 |
|
Buck Walters
Be my Pen Pal
|
Hey there friends, it's Buck, back again
for more of...well, whatever it is I do here.
Seeing that this month at Glutenfreeda.com is a "Best
Of" issue, and coincidentally happens to be my one year
anniversary of filling this space, I thought I'd adroitly
combine the "Best Of" Letters to Buck, some of them
have to do with my ongoing weight
struggle, so we will not miss a beat! You too can send
me a letter through the internets by clicking this
link.
Before we get to the Letters to Buck, a
quick update on my diet. Since we last met here I have been
zigzagging around trying different things...I have tried some
of the suggestions you will see below in the Letters, but
have not yet totally commited to one yet. So, on the handy
progress chart on the right hand side of this page you will
see I'm down 2 whole pounds from last month. That is certainly
better than the prior month to that when I actually gained
weight!
Okay, on to the letters...
|
Dear Buck:
I ran across this diet plan on the
net, and I thought if anyone would appreciate it, you
would:
"THIS IS IT!
You can have a Slimmer, Well-Toned Body And...
Eat the Foods You Love!
Forget about Dieting!
Lose Weight Easier!
No excessive exercise!
Works while you sleep!
Imagine an Exciting New Weight
Control concept that helps your body BURN FAT and build
lean muscular mass while you sleep! "
Hope this was helpful, have a great
day and good luck!
Sincerely,
G. Stein
Oakland, CA
|
| Buck: This diet
really appealed to me, particularly the part about no
excessive exercise and eating the foods you love stuff.
I sent off my $129 check for a month's supply and I'll
let you know how they work, if I ever actually receive
them. Man, are the internets a wonderful thing, or what? |
Another letter...
|
Dear Buck:
I thought you might find this list
helpful during your struggle...
Calories that Don't Count
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel
each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count
if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories.
This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee
cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.
5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply
because they are a part of the entertainment experience
and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but
is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior
Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.
6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process
of breakage causes calorie leakage.
7. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it
doesn't count.
8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your
feet and get walked off.
9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy
of Santa.
10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
Sicerely,
Fletcher L.
White Plains, NY
|
| Buck: I found
this letter to be most helpful and in total accordance
to my life philosophy. Thanks, Fletcher, for the validation
of my lifestyle. |
Then, I've received a few like this...
|
Dear Mr. Walters:
I have been reading your so-called
"column" now for a few months, and I have
to say that you may be the most offensive, boorish,
and despicable "man" I have ever heard of!
Why, living with and off your mother! Waiting for a
higher career arc! It sounds to me like you are just
a big fat beer guzzling lazy slob!
Frederico S.
Trenton, NJ
|
|
Buck: I resent the term "slob". In fact,
my mother would tell you that I am obsessively tidy.
|
I've also got some letters like this one...
|
Dear Buck:
My mommy says that you are not real,
that you don't exist. tell me it isn't so!
Virginia,
Prendergast, IL
|
|
Buck: Why of course Virginia, I am real! As long
as there are men around who fit the archetype I represent,
there will be a Buck Walters. As long as there are men
who would squirt chocolate milk out of there noses,
crush cans on there foreheads, make
Groundhogs out of ground beef there will be a Buck
Walters.
Not believe in Buck! Why, you might as well not believe
in Woody Hayes, not believe in Bear Bryant or the domination
of Jeff Gordon.
A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times
ten thousand years from now, there will be a Buck Walters,
but his name might be "Fred Willborn"
|
Until next we meet, You Keep Eatin', I'll
try not to - Buck
If
you have any feedback for Buck, you may e-mail him at
this address. Please allow a certain amount of time for
Buck to respond, as he does not own a computer of his own
and has to share his e-mail with his mother (whom he lives
with). She spends 90% of her waking moments on a scrapbooking
chat group, along with other support groups that deal with
issues involved when your children RETURN home in their 30's.
|
