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Buck's Annual Hunting Trip
With the arrival of fall comes the annual hunting expedition,
something I've been doing since I was a teenager...a
time of bonding, a time of beer, and a time of blowing
creatures out of the sky with the altruistic motive
that we're actually doing them a favor.
We leave Friday night and the 2 hour drive to camp provides
us many opportunities to recount the times Jimmy-Joe
fell into the pond while aiming at a flock of ducks
after a dozen delicious Budweisers. This type of stuff
just cracks us up, almost as much as the fact that this
is the only time of the year that we actually shoot
at anything in particular, it's usually a tin can, the
neighbor's cat or the occasional car prowler. So, were
not really what you would call "experts" at
firearms, we just like shooting stuff.
This year was a little different as I have this article
to write for this site, and I thought it might be a
good idea to shoot a duck and actually make a recipe
that is on the site for Game Birds (such as Crispy
Roasted Duck). Now, I know that some of you reading
this will read what follows and say "Well, I thought
that was interesting the first time I read it, when
it was called A
Lesson Learned, and you would be absolutely correct!
So, let me slide a little, after all, this is 'Cooking
for Men'.
So, too make a long story short, we arrived at camp,
set up our decoys, then proceeded to wait for what we
hoped would be the flocks of ducks that would zoom overhead.
Ol' Jack Daniels made his presence known as well...Jimmy-Joe
was 2/3rds likkered when he shouted at me "Target
Spotted!!!!" He pulled out his shotgun and immediately
fired, missing the ducks completely, but hitting the
rear tire of my pick-em-up-truck...feeling the thrill
of the moment, I pulled out my shotgun....
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| Target sighted...I can almost
taste this duck now... |
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| Pull the trigger gently... |
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| and a direct hit! |
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| ....but I used the wrong grade
of shot in my cartridge and totally VAPORIZED this
duck. Rats... |
This turned out to be our best and last chance at a bird
this season. We enjoyed a SPAM sammich for dinner that
evening, savoring every last bit of its greasy goodness,
knowing that next year will be the year when we can make
true on our oft-repeated cry "If it flies...it dies!". |
Well, men...it is December, and that means
but one thing to most of us...a total and complete obedience
to the end of the college football season, leading up to the
Bowl Season!
Most men with wives will eat fairly normally
through this time, but us "batchelers" out there,
who no sane woman will have any part of, are on their own.
But this does not mean that we, the great unwashed, unloved
and uncouth should go without the vital nutrients that will
allow us to cheer our team to ultimate bone-crushing victory!
To that end, I have constructed a daily
menu that me and my buddies follow during this Bowl season,
hoping that in some small way, I can, through the use of this
column, promote nutrition. You are going to be so grateful
for this, believe me, you can send your thanks here.
1. Breakfast
 This
is the most important meal of the day, you've heard it, so
believe it! When the first game comes on at 10am, there's
no time for skimping! Thankfully, someone has come up with
just the ticket to fill this need: GF Cereal Soup. Don't have
time to mix the ingredients to a bowl of cereal? These folks
have already done it for you! Just 2 ingredients...milk and
cereal! Good God, why didn't I think of this??? I've been
doing this in my Thermos for years, during the times I actually
had a manual labor job, before my back gave out on me (wink,
wink!). Ya gotta love them L & I claims! Did these people
steal this idea from me? Well, I can't prove it conclusively,
but maybe my lawyer can!
2. Brunch
This is the time I set up the grill outside
(although it is certainly more  convenient
to set it up INSIDE, I've been told this is not a wise idea).
A whole plethora of ideas for grilling can be found in the
Glutenfreeda Recipe
Archives. When it's just me and my buds, we'll start the
brunching around 11am with some Pickled Pork Rinds. Don't
laugh, this is some good stuff, don't let anyone tell you
anything different...after all, pork is the other "white
meat" isn't it???
3. Lunch - Dinner
Guys tend to lump these two meals together,
as once lunch is made, it is grazed on constantly through
the dinner hours, through the 1 o'clock games to the ones
starting at 5 or 6. My constant guide, and one I'm proud to
share with this audience and all my buds out there is this
invaluable tome: SPAM: THE COOKBOOK. There are so many variations,
permutations on the use of this tasty and easy to cook meat
by-product, (let's hear a shout-out for SNOUTS!) that I can't
even list them all here. All I can say is, log onto Amazon.com
and order it...it will live forever in your kitchen's bookshelf!
4. Dessert
 By
the time dessert comes around and your team is either getting
it's butts kicked or is kicking said butt, you are ready for
some serious team related dessert! May I recommend this, a
delicious pie, festooned with you team's logo, for after dinner
consumption, along with an apertif, schnapps or Olde English
800? This delicious pie has an edible logo made of partially-solidified
brownie atop a festive carrot cake with Jalapeños that
is just not resistable to any true football fan!
I hope that my suggestions have helped organize
what is to many men a stressful and very personal time of
the year. Just remember, that as well as your own local team
has done this year, if they ain't from Texas, we will stomp
them this year, next year, and every year until you just realize
it will never be any different.
Hook 'em, Horns!
Keep eatin'! - Buck
Editor's note/disclaimer:
Buck Walters is just a plain old truck driving hombre who
has not completed a single college credit, let alone become
a nutritional expert of any kind, so if you are a celiac,
non-celiac or any kind of "iac", just ignore his recommendations
for what they are, the semi-literate babblings of someone
who would actually consume the suggestions listed above. Glutenfreeda.com
will bear no responsibility for anyone consuming, injecting
or otherwise introducing Pickled Pork Rinds into their bodies
and will not be held liable for the resulting liver failure,
kidney shriveling, prostate reducing effects that may or may
not result from said consumption. At the same time, letting
your pets partake of these products may result in uncontrollable
fussiness, porpoises may speak in tongues and cats may refuse
to use their litter boxes. If you experience distension of
the stomach, sore elbows, or a distinct taste of aluminum
on your breath, please discontinue use of these products.
If
you have any feedback for Buck, you may e-mail him at
this address. Please allow a certain amount of time for
Buck to respond, as he does not own a computer of his own
and has to share his e-mail with his mother (whom he lives
with). She spends 90% of her waking moments on a scrapbooking
chat group, along with other support groups that deal with
issues involved when your children RETURN home in their 30's.
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