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Most folks only have one or two New Year
Resolutions, but being the complex guy that I am, I have several
of them. I make these resolutions every year...usually the
only person who hears them is my caseworker at the DSHS, but
this year I have this forum to disperse my wit and wisdom,
so here goes:
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Resolution #1:
Never....EVER, get myself talked into
doing some stupid macho stunt like the Running of the
Bulls in Spain, stick to crushing aluminum cans on my
forehead.
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Resolution #2:
I resolve to complete my Sonny Bono
album collection...if anyone has 1967's classic "Inner
Views" LP, let
me know!
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Resolution #3:
I will not make public to anyone (including
my brother, Mom, or Bubba) any UFO sighting I may or
may not have this New Year.
I went to the newspaper like an idiot
when I saw one this past summer, and they ran a story
with a bold headline that read: "Local Boy Sees
a UFO" or something like that, with my picture
and everything and everyone in town calls me "Buck
Rogers".
UGGGHHH.
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Resolution #4:
Very similar to Resolution #3...I
will not make public to anyone (including my brother,
Mom, or Bubba) any close encounter of the third kind
I may or may not have this New Year. Everyone thinks
the bodily orifice probe jokes are hilarious, but after
experiencing them firsthand, I have to disagree.
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Resolution #5:
Get that RV I've been dreaming of.
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Resolution #6:
Take the whole family to the Clinton
Presidential Library.
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Resolution #7:
My hunting dog, Chuck resolves to
make me keep my reolutions and make me take him to the
doggie-dentist.
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Here's to a happy 2006 to ya'll!
Keep eatin'! - Buck
Editor's note/disclaimer:
Buck Walters is just a plain old truck driving hombre who
has not completed a single college credit, let alone become
a nutritional expert of any kind, so if you are a celiac,
non-celiac or any kind of "iac", just ignore his recommendations
for what they are, the semi-literate babblings of someone
who would actually consume the suggestions listed above. Glutenfreeda.com
will bear no responsibility for anyone consuming, injecting
or otherwise introducing Pickled Pork Rinds into their bodies
and will not be held liable for the resulting liver failure,
kidney shriveling, prostate reducing effects that may or may
not result from said consumption. At the same time, letting
your pets partake of these products may result in uncontrollable
fussiness, porpoises may speak in tongues and cats may refuse
to use their litter boxes. If you experience distension of
the stomach, sore elbows, or a distinct taste of aluminum
on your breath, please discontinue use of these products.
If
you have any feedback for Buck, you may e-mail him at
this address. Please allow a certain amount of time for
Buck to respond, as he does not own a computer of his own
and has to share his e-mail with his mother (whom he lives
with). She spends 90% of her waking moments on a scrapbooking
chat group, along with other support groups that deal with
issues involved when your children RETURN home in their 30's.
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