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Men's Cuisine Analyst: Beauty & Flabbiness - Buck Goes on a Diet

Buck Walters
620 lb. tumor

Happy June to all of you out there!

Like most of you, and especially those visiting Glutenfreeda.com, I like to eat. Actually, I like to eat a lot.

And when I eat, I wanna eat pound after pound of what it is I'm eating, and then when that settles, I want to do it again. You get the picture...if you look at the lovely picture of me on the right side of the page, you know I'm not a small guy, and you know what...I have never minded that. It's my look, along with the shaved head and the ice cream cone perpetually crammed up my snout. No one messes with old Buck at the pool hall! Fat is your body's 'money in the bank', and the way I look at it, at 355 lbs., I am as rich as Rockefeller!

June 1, 2006: Me in my custom tailored Elvis-styled jumpsuit, sweet, huh?
Let's consider this my 'before' photo. (355 lbs.)
My Goal: I found this picture of myself from a couple of years ago, this is where I want to end up: 320 lbs.
Let's consider this my 'after' photo.

Well, I paid a visit to Doc Lampkin recently for my annual check-up and to convince him how bad my back hurts so I can continue on my SSI disability. Turns out my blood pressure has gone crazy high and that my cholesterol level was so bad my blood is like pure Crisco. He tells me I need to cool it on the chow or he'll have to ship me to the Fatty Farm. Or be buried in a piano case. He also told me I need to take up an exercise program. Seems that nearing the ripe old age of 40, I can't eat the way I used to.

Now, my idea of 'exercise' is to crush empty beer cans off my forehead. Even back when I played football, I never really moved much, just made a large wall in front of the QB.

I told my Mom about all of this and she's going on a diet with me, too. I think she's more upset that I have had to wear her moo-moos lately than anything.

She's been browsing through the Glutenfreeda Recipe Archives under Low Fat and has started to make some of the recipes. Here are a few that we have tried and liked immensly:

Black Bean & Rice Wrap
Forget the wrap concept, this is a burrito. I bet this would be even better deep-fried, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose. Dang.

Kheema Matar (Curried Ground Beef with Peas)
I resisted the idea of this from the get go but was won over by the curry flavor, my favorite invention of our Native American Indians!

Spicy Hot Beef Skewers
Now we're cookin'! This was by far my fave of this month's group!

Steak Fries
If this is low-fat then all of this should be pretty easy. Mom slapped my hand as I went to the fridge for the ranch dressing, though.

I'll let you know how I rate some more of these recipes next month, if I have not expired from hunger.

So, yeah, this all came as a major shock, but I'll take it like a man and try to do something about it. Maybe I'll get tight with Pam Brooks, see if she has any special routines for 'burly' dudes.

So in the next little while I'll keep ya'll posted with a handy little progress chart (under my picture). It will take all my will-power to get through to my goal, as my slightly less corpulent friends will no doubt tempt me at every turn with the sweet aroma of succulant chicken gizzards, pork rinds and party liquor.

Cross your fingers for me, in my quest for 320!

Keep Eatin', but maintain, dudes - Buck

If you have any feedback for Buck, you may e-mail him at this address. Please allow a certain amount of time for Buck to respond, as he does not own a computer of his own and has to share his e-mail with his mother (whom he lives with). She spends 90% of her waking moments on a scrapbooking chat group, along with other support groups that deal with issues involved when your children RETURN home in their 30's.




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