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Men, Let's
Cook Something! (or, 'A Lesson Learned'): Fennel
Pork Roast
Well, let's chalk this one up to a noble
effort that I screwed up. In the process, I learned a lesson
that I'm sure many men learn as they branch out into cuisine
that does not include Gulden's Brown Mustard and a hot dog
bun.
First of all, this was a promising looking
recipe from the Glutenfreeda
Archives, chocked fulla meat (of course I would omit the
green objects shown here) and the directions seemed simple
enough. Here's the picture of what it was supposed to look
like:
Looking through the directions,
I even added some of the ingredients that are called
for, like salt and pepper. When I asked for 'Fennel Seeds'
from this guy I know at the Piggly Wiggly, Ron, he told me
that he thought "them suckers was outlawed and that you
wouldn't find them anywhere in the county". So, actually
what I ended up trying to make was 'Pork Roast', which is
fine in my book.
My problems started when I
got to the part of the directions that say: "roast
uncovered for 3 hours". There was a Texas A&M
football game on in a half an hour and I could not miss that
flapping them over the Tappan, so I began my conversions for
cooking time to be shortened to accommodate my schedule.
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Fennel Pork Roast ala
Buck
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Thinking that if the normal
cooking time was 3 hours at 350 degrees, why not instead cook
the sucker at 700 degrees for 30 minutes? Made sense
to me! At least it made sense, until I pulled this out of
the oven during the first commercial after kickoff (Fennel
Pork Roast ala Buck):
Actually, with a little mustard
stirred in, it wasn't too bad. My brother ended up nuking
some nachos in the microwave.
I learned my lesson, boys:
let the rocket scientists have their 'conversions', but when
it comes to recipes, trust them. Some of the best things
take time, like the guitar solo in 'Free Bird'.
Keep eatin'! - Buck
Editor's
note:
This column is 'edited' by Horace
F. Lamprey for grammar and spelling as Buck's skill's
in these areas is at the very best...suspect. The original
intention is kept as close as possible.
Buck's column, although published in Glutenfreeda.com, does
not reflect their values, cuisine preferences, cultural preferences,
mutilation and consumption of hedgehogs and/or mushrooms of
questionable origin and is presented here for entertainment
purposes and/or filler material during slow months. Actual
consumption of Buck's recipes may or not cause 1. Upper gastrointestinal
failure, 2. Liver failure, 3. Bladder incontinence, 4. Intense
intestinal cramps in family pets when fed the unconsumed portions
that Buck has not consumed hisself.
Does anyone really read this fine print? If you do, Buck's
attorney, Jake
Blacow would love to here from you!
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