Men's Cuisine Analyst
Howdy! It's your ol' buddy Buck here for
the second time in as many months! This is about as close
as I've come to a real job since, well...the first Clinton
Administration (some time I'll tell you the story about Bill
and I and the Arkansas Highway Patrol, it's a real knee-slapper!).
As I related to you last
month, I've been living with my Mom until I find a more
upward career path.
I actually do kind of have another job, my buddies down at
Sal's Beef & Brews know me as an inventor.
In between huntin' trips (more about THAT later, maybe next
month) with my buds and tuning my truck, I like to tinker
in the garage, attempting to improve man's existence through
my inventions, whether it be by solving the dysymetry between
impeddle-depressed, panchromatic resonance and other highly
ambient domains, or by figuring out a better way to spread
butter on a piece of GF toast...that's when I invented Buck's
|Buck's Butter Stick
||They say that neccesity
is the mother of invention, I say that dragging butter
with a knife across a piece of toast can burn your fingers!
And it can leave trails of toast crumbs all over your
Mom's plastic covered sofa. Even though I am a Man's Man,
I don't like bread crumbs all over my overalls!
Using a glue stick holder, I cleverly crammed some butter
up into it, stuck it into the fridge overnight and whaddya
So anyways, being as September is kind
of "Best Of" month here at Glutenfreeda.com, I thought
I'd share with you some of my favorite inventions relating to
food in general. From here on these will be the inventions of
other Da Vinci wannabes, but that doesn't mean I'm not
jealous I didn't think of them first!
|Buck's "Best Of"
Food Related Inventions:
||1. Motorized Ice Cream
An inspired idea, probably from someone who suffers the
ravages of Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome...why waste your precious
wrist and hand turning movements eating an ice cream cone
when this clever device can make the ice cream orbit in
a precisely equatorial fashion and mess-saving manner?
On the negative side, biting into the cone will leave
you with a mouthful of humming transistors and a 9 volt
I don't know about you, but every time I have Chinese
food it's served up hotter than exhaust manifold. Invented
by an asthmatic I'm sure, the Noodle-Cooler is this handy
fan that attaches to your chopsticks and cools the surface-of-the-sun
hot noodles and oriental food before it has a chance to
melt the roof of your mouth.
Amazing! The best part is that it is not awkward at all
using chpsticks with a desk fan attached to them.
||3. Anti-Eating Face
Can't resist the temptation to stuff your face? This product,
apparently invented by Hannibal Lecter, is just the thing
||4. Heart Pendant / Jello
Guys, nothing goes straight to the heart of women-folk
more directly than jewelry...and Jello. I gave one of
these to my girlfriend Narine on Valentine's Day. I haven't
seen Narine since (something about needing "alone
||5. Extension Fork
Ever seen something on someone's plate a couple of chairs
away that you wanted to try? Well, here you go...
Mashed taters, food coloring, wood sticks and a freezer...it
just does not get any easier than this. Well, maybe some
Can you say 'festive'?
Now comes the part where I review my
favorite recipes currently found in the vast Glutenfreeda
This column is 'edited' by Horace
F. Lamprey for grammar and spelling as Buck's skill's
in these areas is at the very best...suspect. The original
intention is kept as close as possible.
Buck's column, although published in Glutenfreeda.com, does
not reflect their values, cuisine preferences, cultural preferences,
mutilation and consumption of squirrels and/or armadillos
and is presented here for entertainment purposes and/or filler
material during slow months. Actual consumption of Buck's
recipes may or not cause 1. Upper gastrointestinal failure,
2. Liver failure, 3. Bladder incontinence, 4. A belief system
which includes the possibility of 8 foot tall termites from
Andromeda harvesting the earth's wood products and enslaving
the human race.