by Cheri Henderson

Your cupboards are stocked with every known variety of gluten-free flours and binding agents. Your appliances and countertops are continually detoxed. You have designated gluten-free zones that are randomly monitored with a gluten meter. Your guests are put through a decontamination chamber and are immediately instructed in food safety.

Everything is great as long as you are home.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? We try all our lives to be popular and then, with the diagnosis of celiac disease, we suddenly want to become wallflowers. Those once longed-for dinner invitations into the homes of family and friends have been reduced to tactical maneuvers in enemy territory. You know the enemy: gluten. But do you have the right weapons to deflect the well-intentioned ignorance, mutual frustration and inherent dangers of venturing beyond the gluten-free comforts of home?

Let’s knock down the walls of your protected world. (Before we start, you may want to don some latex gloves.)

You get that call that goes something like, "A few of us are getting together for dinner at our house this Saturday. Are you free?"

First, we recommend you resist the temptation to respond, "No, I’m not free! I am a prisoner of gluten contamination, and you are a conspirator!" We do, however, recommend a little levity.

• Step 1: Humor. Why humor? Because it defuses and disarms. The reality is people may be intimidated at first by your food issues, and humor will put them more at ease. You may respond, "Are you sure you’re ready for this? I mean, I’m a celiac, so I can’t eat wheat, rye or barley, and legally you have to go through celiac awareness training before I even set foot in your house. What are you doing at 9 o’clock Friday morning?"

Once the caller realizes you’re joking, the truth won’t seem quite so bad. But you have to have a game plan.

"One of the first things people need to understand is that they need to let people know. Most people are quite receptive," suggests Ruth Hanson, R.D.L.D., a dietician and fellow celiac with Florida Hospital in Orlando, Fla. "You say, ‘You know, there are certain things I don’t eat. What do you plan to have on the menu?’"

• Step 2: Communication. That means communication should be your next step. Communication can be the biggest hurdle because Celiacs may fear inconveniencing others. But for your own sake and the sake of your relationships with family and friends, honesty truly is the best policy.

Your host may take the initiative by asking what foods are verboten. Spare him a history of your doom, despair and agony, and just stick to the facts. Then move the focus from what you can’t eat to what you can eat.

• Step 3: Education. This moves into the area of education. When people ask what it is to be celiac, consider yourself a goodwill ambassador for the celiac community - sparing people gory details and focusing on the positive. If — heaven forbid — your friends or family members become celiac, you don’t want him to think that life, as he knows it, is over. (Anyone who has made of meal of our baked potato soup, cheese sticks and chocolate chip cake will know this is definitely not the case.) You also want to put a positive spin on your illness so your portrait does not appear on the 10 Least Wanted posters of dinner organizers everywhere.

• Step 4: Cooperation. Cooperation is key to making your get-together a positive experience for all involved. Once you have put your host through Gluten-Free Dining 101, it’s time to bring something to the table, Hanson advises.

"You can take an entree if you’re going to someone’s house. If they’re having spaghetti, bring your own," she recommends.

Depending on what is on the menu, you may want to offer to bring a salad that could pinch-hit for you as an entree, a pan of fresh focaccia or a German chocolate cake. Your contribution does double duty by providing you with guaranteed sustenance and proving to the unenlightened that gluten-free doesn’t mean taste-free.

• Step 5: Anticipation. Finally, you arrive at your host’s home, covered dish in hand and brimming with anticipation. Anticipation, our last step, denotes expectation and preparation. You’ve prepared well, but don’t let your guard down. Your fellow diners are not as attuned to your dietary needs as your gut demands you must be. Watch for flying crumbs and contaminated serving utensils. But be gracious, not phobic, and don’t be hypersensitive because you believe others aren’t being sensitive enough to your needs.

Venturing into the homes of others doesn’t have to be a source of deadly dread. You’ll gain confidence with each experience, and your friends and family will learn you are not the pariah you feared you would be. Your world will expand, and you know what? So will theirs.